So hard to get out of my marriage for many reasons. It sounds like you have high expectations (perceived) from your partner. But still, I felt like a better person, a kinder partner and a loving mate when I put in the effort to reach past his disorder. Surprise! I understand the accountable methods u suggested, done it that way in spme situations. He will not hear me in that moment. Obviously, it does nothing and never has. I didnt realize how much the years of her abuse and alcoholism has impacted my ability to be successful in my work and just being a healthy person. Mostly, I hope you will, if youre reading this. You shouldnt be angry or vindictive and instead say something like, I am sorry I didnt do this sooner because it is obvious that you need to learn that this is wrong. I told them he wasnt ready and needed to learn how to be a father and husband first. Even though he is so full of himself that he made the entire process as miserable as possible for himself and me. Hi, Even to a point that it appears to be his decision letting you off the hook. Debbie says to a narcissist marriage equals money and talks about the childlike behavior. Hi Carol Welcome! We pretty much all do that but that just adds fuel to their fire and gives them more power.You are most likely a very special person and through your experiences will have developed qualities that some people may never have.To Kym and Steve, I propose a toast for being honest enough to share some very private and personal things so that others may be helped. I dont tolerate stupidity anymore, from myself nor others. Dear Michelle, (Comment 48) What you need is a 100% clear no nonsense boundary that you are in control of not him. She was the kindest most loving, giving person I had ever been with.. until she wasnt anymore. I really was obsessed about his cheating. If the man really almost kills you, than leaving is probably the best thing. Welcome my channel! I have said this before but setting a boundary with a promise is like thinking you have built a fence by drawing a line and asking your horses not to cross it. I still get called swear names you are a selfish bitch !!! Now hes drinking more and loves to stay high. How to hold a Narcissist accountable..Holding a Narcissist accountable requires having some type of leverage against them. I have been in a relationship with someone suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder for 14 years. I dont think the answer to the question of rape is simple. They strike back hard to try to save their own self or credibility. Aue, what to do when theres a little one involved? Si niw I said that I would be his fruend fire er and with that, im o.k. Over all control of the money.
Narcissism- Can You Hold The Narcissist Accountable? In the end, I regret trying to make him feel consequences. He is now getting these fixes by yet another activity. Ongoing hostile silence that never ends. He became the most loving partner in life and we got married. Finally I knew I couldnt live like that and I had to leave. I have to ask money now for groceries and my parents have had to send money to survive on twice! If you try to hold the narcissist to account for something they've done, they will totally stonewall you as punishment for having the audacity to point out such a flaw. I can relate to this. I paid for the costs to maintain and repair the home since. I rarely can get my husband to admit when he is wrong. Kim, you also say about leaving accountability to others. It has me thinking but in my case, I would say that I had the opposite experience. But i didnt immediately saw that it were fantasy. Is the rapist a relative or stranger? He will blame me instead of himself. Please tell us, how are things going for you and your children? I now remove myself from bad behaviour , when possible. I do know he does not have credit cards because he just filed bankruptcy. Steve had pretended everyone loved him at work but of course that wasnt true. I dont want to possess him or be obsessed with him. Nothing seems a to be my partners fault, other people are always to blame . He owes me large amounts of money, takes me to court to harass me and only takes notice of police and bailiffs. Narcissists: The Master Manipulators Thanks for All you do & continue to do for all of us that struggle with this challenge. Most of these people around him had low self esteem and really did not want to be exposed for there own fears. You laid the facts straight out down the line without a hint of self-pity or confusion about your rights as an individual, or as a mother. I only asked you to let me know when you made it back via phone so I knew you made it ok. You did not call me for three days after you came back and it took me calling you mother because I was worried and her telling you that, for you to call me. Would the more dominate one win out or would they x each other out? Year and half ago, started hearing voices, making outrageous claims, obsessed over me, needed wanted me, if I didnt give him attention it would be horrible on me. He would have some way of getting them to do what he wanted and leading them to believe that they were his all time best friend. The narcissist should be held accountable to most of his actions, even taking into account his sometimes uncontrollable rage and the backdrop of his grandiose fantasies. Hi Pamela and welcome (-: Empathy is not going to help him but him coming face to face with reality will. We had a huge fight the other night have not really spoken in 3 days. Feels good that no one is blaming me for his faults anymore. !He shows no remorse,money is his God'(he grew up very poor)I undestand that and that it wasnt his fault.He is very verbally and emotionally abusive,to the point that I cant describe the hurt and humiliation.What u r saying Kim abt bringing a third party in wld make him laugh.He has called the police on me and turned the whole issue around so I got no help there.Ive been to counselling,healing all on my own cos he refuses to go cos theres nothing wrong with him.He is very,very crude and says as a married man he has his rights and if a wife dsnt have sex(never make love)with her husband he has to go looking elsewhere for it.He cuts me to the quick with his slander,always belittling me and constantly puts me down.He referss to me in company as the thing or the wife.I know pple think and look at me like Im crazy and its becoming embarrasing to tell them cos its like going around in circles.Also,he is such a nice guy,pple think he is wonderful and I am looked at as the miserable bitch(excuse the language)that he puts up with.Sadly he has been my one and only love.PPle say leave him and move onbut,move on to whatat my age and stage in life it isnt easy.And yes I love him and do know there is so much good in him. The Control Freak This parent sees their child as a person whose role in life is to make them happy and do as they say. Giving him boundaries didnt help him and made him feel more alone. What do I do about the kids? He turned that into I am insecure. Most of our issues now revolve around money. I spoke with him last night and ofcourse he did not want to make a decision and was evasive and got angry. But looking back, I guess Ive loved a few of them and I am just now seeing it. I can be just who I plan to be. My logical, intelligent brain struggles with this, no matter how much my heart is drawn to him. I cant trust him yet of course. The call the police one didnt work for me. Ive walked on eggshells for years and hes totally screwed my head ! Unfortunately, I didnt have the help you now offer. Everything that goes wrong is always someone elses fault and no matter how logical you are, they will continue to twist and turn their way out of the argument, even if they have to swear the sky is green. Da, I could have written your story You are me. He knows how to push my buttons to get me so fired up it turns into a raging fight. ago and it has been very helpful in the way I react when I do not get defensive and criticize back it helps so much. I was not a good wife, or mother, so on etc. The narcissistic administrator becomes a strong advocate for a single approach to teaching (typically method of instruction, less frequently a student-centered approach); regardless of the nature of the method, the administrator imposes it and prescribes how it is to be implemented. They use name-calling, making fun of people, putting others down, judging. I dont believe it will work for my husband and I as I have tried for 7 years and nothing has changed. I can relate to just about every single one of the writers here except for physical violence. Sorry to rush and also sorry to everyone I havent answered today I have a job for the next few days and dont have a lot of time! This is certainly difficult. 5 Guard your sensitive information closely. Thanks you! He moved in with me after 2 weeks dating. 1. I offered for you to drive the new one but you said no its ok, I drive the old one. Of course he lied about what he was up to. Hi Cindy, There is advice about how to get him to leave at the end of back from the Looking Glass (-: When my husband would say something similar to that I would respond with I will/can only take responsibility/accountability for my half/end of the situation, NOT your half/end of it. My husband asked for a divorce November 2012 and we are in the process. For a woman in relationship with a narcissistic man, does it make any sense to use sex to hold him accountable? They are perfect for him.his puppets. Did not EVER think he would leave me. But also confusing if you want to find a way forward through this. And he is blaming her for his spending of her money! I know this is his way of turning this back onto me. I was taught at a young age to be a caretaker my grandmother choose me since I had patience. People do change but sometimes it takes blood, sweat, and tears. I am thinking I want to ask him tonite if he has decided and if he starts all over to bypass and avoid answering, to tell him that its ok but that I have to make decisions and that I think it is better that we keep our finances completely seperate from now on and that he find his own place to live when he comes back home. You know that he will blow up and make a scene about this so be prepared. Hi Kim, I have come across this Blog today, and I can relate to so, so much. This time I was able to enjoy myself, keep busy and not think too much about why, I finally understand it isnt me, I understand his narcissism, after immersing myself for past 10 years, it still hurts though, I hope someday, the hurt will go away. I understand now why I kept drawing emotional leaches or vampires. I am wondering why Kim hasnt responded to meI immediately think, as he and his friends do, that it is because I am to blame for his leaving. He said he hates himself and directs that hate to me, but that it is his own selfhate. But I cant call the police, or the doctor, or even the priest, and say my husband said hed call me but he didnt and he got mad at me when I expected him to be sorry about that or My husband laughed at my idea like it was ridiculous. And since the consequences were triggered by events, there was no means for understanding through close communication.