having a baby with a woman you don't love having a baby with a woman you don't love

If something that can work out for you to try loving her, that would be most ideal. He's not in love so he's selfish??? Just not with her. I was supposed to be the one. Honestly if I wouldn't of gotten pregnant I would not be with him. Having A Baby With Someone You Don't Want To Be With, How To Deal With It? On the most basic level, these changes, prompted by a flood of hormones during pregnancy and in the postpartum period, help attract a new mother to her baby. Many of us are (heavily) pregnant and still working. I am trying REALLY hard to find some common ground with him, to love him, or even like him but the more time goes on the more miserable I am. HAPINESS IS AN INDIVIDUAL RESPOSIBLITY. That's a bummer sadly, the pill can and often does fail, even if its taken 100% properly and on time (and it usually isn't), so you have to be REALLY careful with someone you dont want to reproduce with, as many men have found before you. One in 4 women will hang onto 11 lbs. Sex is the leading cause of babies. I was literally about to break up with her (we were in the process of breaking up), when she announced she was pregnant. Begin speaking about the kids, as well, mentioning different accomplishments they've made lately . but she didn't have her baby . He's not all bad. She bullied me into a wedding & now I am miserable. FATHER IS BLESSED WITH A CHILD BUT MISARABLE. I would sacrifice my own happiness and stay for the kids not interested in been with anyone else just want my girls and soon to arrive boy to be happy? Anyways, we decided to get marry after finding out that she was pregnant, even though I had my doubts if it was my baby or not. It may be tolerable now, but it sounds like you are unhappy. All rights reserved. Also, you must then decide if you want to be in the child's life, how you will coordinate co-parenting a kid when you're not in a relationship, etc. Have you told him you're pregnant yet? NOW WHY IS IT THAT SO MANY OF US HAD MESSED UP CHILDHOOD? FTM. 2. Life will not be easier staying with him. And the same with me. . I know quite a few mothers who weren't ready (not that anyone ever is) to have a baby when they did and just grew to resent their child. To start? Romantic relationship of beautiful couple. Keep looking down and feeling like you don't deserve something good won't get you anywhere. Otherwise, you will lose the child and her altogether. You shouldn't have a baby unless you're in a committed relationship and have a foundation of financial and emotional security. I have heard that arranged marriages actually have a better long term outcome because of this. After a little while, if you still feel the same (i.e. Find advice, support and good company (and some stuff just for fun). No love. I got pregnant and was pressured to get married. I wasn't happy. Apply for wic and food stamps and move in with family. A Group Owner is a member that has initiated the creation of a group to connect with other members to share their journey through the same pregnancy & baby stages. So are you guys in a relationship or just friend with benefits? Having a baby with him because of 'guilt' would be barking mad. It is tough to find time for yourself, let alone your spouse. THE CHILD WILL HAVE MOTHER AND FATHER TOGETHER. I'm curious as to how he is selfish?? Damaged. Sure, most couples are madly "in love" at first, but as time goes on I think most people who have been married 10, 20, 50+ years will say that love is first a choice and then feelings follow and there are some hard times when the feelings are not there and all you are left with is the choice to show love to this person. I really don't want to mess this child's life up. CLARITY friend you do make a lot of sense. My name is Michelle Devani, and I've been helping people with their relationships since 2003. Sometimes people make choices to abort, adopt, or keep the child. He's controlling. @jessi, LMFAOI like ur commentVery BLUNT and to the POINT. He wasn't meant for marriage, he was a party guy, a free bird, and only got married because he was afraid I'd sue him for child support later. You have a hard decision to make. Use of this site is subject to our terms of use and privacy policy. Now i have sleepless nights trying to find an angle but without success. You wouldn't happen to be burning a bra right about now would you? A Group Owner is a member that has initiated the creation of a group to connect with other members to share their journey through the same pregnancy & baby stages. He is capable of choosing to be with you and not having a child with you, or leaving if he decides he wants a child more. How can you discuss your thoughts with her in a healthy way? This is why i found it hard to break up with her although I'd thought about it many times in the past. start communicatin with her without quarrellin give her a try n am sure things gonna work out Or r u afraid u wont be able to sleep around or play ur games wen she step into urlife dear dwag such life n face reality. I feel like I'm forcing myself to love her. After all, what is marriage if there is no happiness? I do have family but financially they can't help me or buy me a car bc he would be petty enough to keep the one he got me, it's under his name, I don't have anywhere to go or any Finances since I quit my job moving in with him. a deed frowned upon by society and seen as a problem The deed has already been done instead of advising and coming up with ways to make sure the child is brought up in a obviously deserving loving environment that the child needs instead of an environment filled with resentment, hate, misery, spitefulness etc etc, you all are pushing.insulting and forcing the guy to guy marry the girl in question.. marrying that girl would even be a bigger mistake and problem than the first one. Mia, the fascinating thing about postpartum depression and anxiety is that it isn't logical. People don't know he has a daughter, which tells me he's not proud of her, or truly claiming her in any way. 15) His biological clock is ticking. You need to be upfront and honest nothing is worse than being lied to when feelings are involved. Hi everyone! YOU'LL BE STABLE. Sucked it up and did what I had to do for my kids. Adoption is for some people who want to unselfishly make sure the child is cared for and loved by people who can support it just like toughing it out and having the child, supporting it, and loving it is for others. That is exactly how I feel about my life over the past 8 years - it feels like I have been sleepwalking. So they say don't break up, move, change careers, etc in the first year. !So the next time you wake up and look at the zit face woman you married that disgusts you and you hate her because you could have banged all the women you wanted but she got knocked up! In some cases it works, but for many it doesn't. This is why friends with benefits is never a good idea. Purposely avoiding sex is a great time to have your own awakening Not having sex can be a. I know most of yall are gonna tell me to leave him and I wish it was that easy. 2005-2023Everyday Health, Inc., a Ziff Davis company. At the end of the day, you won't be able to find happiness that you have been looking for. The Preferential Parent. Like, we really, seriously, truly love it. You had the intention to be with someone for fun without taking the consequences seriously. SCENARIO 4: BE TRUTHFUL TO THE PREGNANT GIRLFRIEND AND LET HER ALSO HAVE SAY AS TO WHAT SHE WANTS. Not that it matters - if you have feelings for someone else, you can't be in love with your gf so sounds like leaving is the right decision, as staying together for a child with someone you don't love never works out in the long run. Find advice, support and good company (and some stuff just for fun). This relationship is bad for my wife and me. THEN, MAYBE THEY BREAK UP CUZ THEY CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE. marriage should not be a punishment or a form of contract. 11 Can't Shake The Baby Blues. This discussion is archived and locked for posting. The "baby blues" are a form of depression - just not as severe as PPD. And in some cases, she may want to keep the baby, but you don't. But what do you do in this situation? Does it feels good to fake your feelings? THAT'S IT. As opposed to hanging out with friends and other men she isn't in love with, she may be much more outgoing and boisterous. Then suddenly she is all happy, and loved up which I find really hard to believe. if she wants to put kid in day care every day, she can and you pay for it). (5 kg) or more a year after giving birth, Live Science previously reported. I would say take a step back and analyze why you are not connecting with him and see if things could be different if you two had some changes. Support yourself. Source these things out and make a plan to leave. You have to remember you are only going to be a victim for as long as you allow yourself to be one. Some of us got promoted while pregnant or found new jobs, it is not impossible. He is a grown up. A lot of women are alone while pregnant or with young children and they have a life they can be proud of. It was required that women felt their decreased desire was significantly lower than that of their partner's. The authors interviewed 15 women between the ages of 25 and 59. Add to Collection. I do love her a lot as a person but i am not in love with her. My ex won't come back to me after I hurt h Ex girlfriend is pregnant with her new boyfriend months after breaking up with me. This educational content is not medical or diagnostic advice. You CAN NOT let someone have the upper hand on you. Time passed and we just got comfortable being there. The dilemma I have a female colleague who has, over the past three years, told me she loves me and would like to marry me.The problem is that I do not love her and I have told her that. We are deciding if we should divorce now or later when she is bigger. I don't know if this is pregnancy hormones (I am only 5 weeks) or if I really feel this way. Twins & Multiples: Your Tentative Time Table, Planned c section too presumptuous??? And which case, most would be use safe sex and if thy got pregnant, they would try for an abortion. The way you speak to yourself has a lot to do with the way you view your situation. !I've been married for ten long miserable years to a wife I never loved. If thats all he wants, he will be gone. She's too far along to have an abortion.,. NO PHYSICAL THINGS. There are more than likely services in your area to help you get on your feet (welfare,food stamps,shelter). FTM. the most helpful and trustworthy pregnancy and parenting information. What to Expect has thousands of open discussions happening each day. The end result was the same my siblings and I had the worse upbringing. I'm a **** if I lie and say I love her and be with her. We live together, that's all I can say, we have nothing else. I got my, now wife, pregnant but she never loved me, in fact a month before she got pregnant she actually went to spend the night with some dude at a hotel in a different city, but she told me she just wanted to go away for a couple of days. (11 Possible Meanings), how do I deal with a break up while I am still pregnant his baby, reasons you should know and love yourself before you love someone else, How to Sweep A Cancer Man Off His Feet - Zodiac Signs, 32 Best Reasons to Date a Nurse (The No.1 Caretaker), Things You Need to Know About Dating Portuguese Man (The Sexiest Boyfriend), 35 Crazy and Undeniable Signs That She Friendzoned You, 25 Reasons Why You Should Date The Outgoing Introvert, Reasons to Choose the Girl with the Complicated Pastand How to Love Her Right. My two oldest remember some fighting and the divorce. We've been together 9. We can and should celebrate those things while also giving our love and support to those who are struggling to get there, and to those who don't want any part of that scene, ever. But I want to be a father. No one would want their daughter and unborn grandchild in that type of situation. Why can't you go back to doing what you were doing before you met? My current girlfirend got pregnant while on the mini pill. Just that simple. Drop me a comment below to let me know what you think. Be true to yourself and you will allow yourself to get things that you deserve. She actually is (5 months now), but I took all the words back (the reasons why I didn't want to be with her). You would [hopefully] love your child, while also realizing that you shouldn't be having sex with anyone that you don't want to have a baby with. So, we got married. The transition from being a couple to having a baby and becoming parents is an exciting, empowering, and life-changing experience. There are midnight feedings, changing diapers, rocking a screaming infant and little sleep. I'm in love with a married man And his wife is pregnant. It might even be too late for you anyway. Don't marry someone you don't love. I am 39 soon to be 40 in 2 months. I hope you find what you're looking for. I want to be a great Dad, but I don't want to be miserable for the next 18 years - I don't know what to do. long story short. 4. You could be the best, healthiest, most well adjusted person. The relationship seems new and I know that is hard. No passion. Saturday 4 Mar 2023 10:00 am. She doesn't want an abortion, and I know it sounds terrible but I keep hoping she will miscarry, however she is 16weeks gone and that's unlikely . I do want to be a father but i always imagined it different, like being with a woman that i am in love with. We made it to 8yrs. Eventually I grew to love him, but not the fairy tale kind of love. or you will be 35 and wondering where your life went and if you'll ever be happy. Congratulations, a new bundle of joy is coming to fill your home with love and bliss. But there's a catch: Because you believe that having this child means more to you than not having this child means to your husbandand because he had originally agreed to three kidsyour. I'm having a baby with someone I'm not in love with. The ex and i still argue sometimes but you have to learn when to shut up. The issue is she is healthcare prof and works in OBS/GYN so there is no way way she would have an abortion, she has just been involved in too many such procedures and its just not for her. He's not all bad. Knowing that you don't want to have the relationship with someone, you will never be able to fake your feelings for temporary happiness. Birth control, as the objection went, could actually serve to raise the abortion rate by encouraging people not ready to have children to have sex at the risk, however small, of becoming. A Group Leader is a What to Expect community member who has been selected by our staff to help maintain a positive, supportive tone within a group. If you're dating a woman who doesn't want to have kids, you should know whether or not you do. I know daddies who didn't feel a connection to their babies until they held them for the first time and like someone else said, maybe that'll be the case for you. Can't and haven't said a word to anyone about how i feel. Send all yourrelationship&Loveproblems/issues to me for help via [emailprotected]. This educational content is not medical or diagnostic advice. His family is great also. Op: I don't understand why you quit your job, but find a new one and go stay with family. If I cant love her now, what are the possibilities that Ill love her?