But also, this is pretty clearly a business and financial question. I had no other work pending and a ton of free time, so what did I do? He does worry about my safety. It really seems like your husband doesnt trust you, and as AAM said, that is a relationship problem. And do not to the best of your ability get wrapped up or play into his anxieties, or irrational fears. You would have to go out of your way to find a casino, a lavish bar with topless entertainment, or an escort service. Needless to say, I did not find this a compelling argument for reconciling. Never! And companies love it because it tends to be cheaper than other places with similar conveniences. He is not being reasonable or rational, so dont even try to engage with him as if he is. I have to comment on this one. My mother is like this about my neighborhood because Im miles away from Philadelphia. Hehesitated, but agreed.Onthe third day ofthe vacation, his parents, brothers, and their spouses were all sitting atatable outside whileI was preparing afruit salad. If a person hasnt had much of a chance (or desire) to go to different places, your impression of them is far different than the reality. If this is anxiety, OCD, or any other disorder then therapy for himself is absolutely necessary. My wife has these same kinds of fears during my daily commute, let alone when I travel for business. It was, instead, his own insecurity and abusive tendencies. Good luck to you both. The only sides are you both addressing a bad frame of reference that your spouse has. I think its fine for different people to have different types of relationships. A room like that in any other city would cost 3 or 4 times that. Here is the problem with appeasing people like OPs husband, whether they are being abusive or just needlessly anxious: they come to expect appeasement. It could be an extreme level of anxiety manifesting as control (I cant measure up/if you go away somewhere glamorous youll realize I suck), especially if hes not otherwise doing anything questionable. His concerns are irrational, the trip is a reasonable expectation from your employer, and so you need to go and let him manage his feelings about it. Its a very highly policed city. A pregnant woman recently asked the internet for advice after her husband refused to attend any of their doctor appointments. Access to prostitutes, drugs, extramarital affairs, and excessive drinking and shenanigans is available pretty much in every town and city. Im almost always jealous of the cool stuff he sees in his job, but I cant imagine being angry or upset about the trips. My point was, shes hearing about friends opinions second-hand. Its important to you, and take not unreasonable that your employer would want you to go, nor is it an unreasonable place to go. If something was going to happen to you, it could be anywhere. Someone with this kind of insecure, controlling behavior could be sitting next to you 24/7 and theyd be wondering what you were thinking, if it got to that point. All of us can comment all we want about how innocuous this trip is, and how much of an overreaction this is, but it doesnt change the facts from where youre sitting. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationcynon valley history. Leave your phone on silent. This isnt about whether or not the thing Im about to do is dangerousit is about her desire to control what I do. Youre an adult, OP! Yeah and Ill add that it makes the advice people are giving much less likely to be effective/heard/followed by the OP if people are attacking a man she presumably loves and finds reasonable outside of this situation. See some shows, enjoy some good food, go on a nice hike. Divorce is a valid option, if you choose to go down that road. In that case, marriage counseling is great. Each year my entire family goes to the beach at the end gets a beach house where we stay for a week. Some things are objectively controlling behaviours though. I have a disney pass but my husband doesn' | planDisney If you have time to arrange a therapist, try to meet with several and then pick the one that is the best fit. Just dont! as a 1000 decibel chorus of YES! My husband doesn't want to go because of the 14 hour car ride. Couples therapy, NOW, to sort out this huge red flag. I just point out that theres more crime in her trailer park, and she gets huffy about it. Instead, let yourself feel what youre feeling without judgment orshame. He could show he loves you by treating you as an equal and making you know that your feelings, thoughts, and opinions matter. I would say that its not necessarily couples counseling that is needed, but that your spouse needs to talk with someone. This is a pretty classic controlling partner move. Did you say, thanks for confirming that I need to get away from you immediately & forever? I just want to come back to the point about where the first fear of his that you list off, OP, is that youre going to cheat on him. Im in the same boat as the OP. Inviting him to go might be a stop-gap measure to cover this trip. Totally. I agree. (Of course, I live in New Orleans, where we do not need to seek out extra liveliness.) I actually didnt tell her I got K&R insurance when I worked in the Philippines and had to travel to an area where nearby skirmishes were going on and kidnappings WERE a concern. Hed go get a hotel room, and give me a call; he wouldnt be instantly homeless and alone, and I couldnt magically fix a burned house anyway. To me, that means childish. But youre his spouse and in a perfect position to help him understand whats going on and try to help fix it! My professional association alternates years between Vegas and Disney for its annual conference because those two places are both great for massive groups of people at a reasonable price. Might need to go back. And basic woman code of policing your drink would negate that fear. Youre adults. If I ask him he will clarify but I trust him and dont need to worry. Companies hold meetings in Vegas because its a popular corporate destination, not because theyre plotting to destroy employees marriages.). Does he worry about you when you go shopping alone, or when you work late at the office? No, youre absolutely right. Bartending is legitimate work too. So, yeah, count me as baffled by his OMG, VEGAS IS SIN attitude. vacation without ever spending a single quarter in a slot machine! husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. I also worry about my spouse traveling without me. Its just unacceptable. Are we sure that survey actually happened? I hate the idea that the LWs husband feels like he has some kind of power to tell his spouse that she cant go on this trip. Breadwinner isnt necessarily sole provider. My ex used to pick up stupid little fun jobs part-time while he was going to college, while I was working full time and also going to college. You have three options in how to proceed: (1) You could say no to the trip (a week off can be just impossible to coordinate these days! This is so far outside of normal that if I were in your shoes OP, I would be socking money away so that I could leave him, unless theres something youre not telling us that could possibly justify how he treats you. We all had a blast. The kind of overwhelming, intrusive anxiety postulated here is still a control issue, 100%. Fine with me. This is the exact opposite of what youre suggesting, Ramona. The Rio does have huge rooms! Many of my colleagues bring their spouse on conferences as a mini vacay for the fun of exploring new cities. This makes me MAD. Group Black's collective includes Essence, The Shade Room and Naturally Curly. When I was in grad school my mom once had a fit that I was walking home from class at around 4:45 pm on a random Tuesday evening. Vegas has more hotel rooms than any other city in America, and regular flights to an airport located in the city from every other major city in the country. This sounds like a difficult situation, so do whats best for you. Sometimes its easier to understand from the outside by hearing other stories about how irrational thoughts can impact our lives. I dont know, I think you are underestimating how the Internet has magnified the echo chamber effect. Conversely, if he came home with the same news, my response would be, Thats great! Before you talk with your husband, try tounderstand why hedidnt want you there. Bigger point being ITS NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS and not their place to weigh in. Honestly I have been to a few conferences in Vegas and I worked so much all I saw was the inside of a conference room or a hotel bed, into which I fell (alone) exhausted every night. Uncategorized ; June 21, 2022 husband doesn t want to go on family vacation . Counseling is legit, or ask him to come along. Its just not reasonable to expect a spouse to not travel for business, and I cant imagine a whole group of people who would say such a thing. going together would send the message that its an us issue. At that point, the OP has some really solid information far more useful and on point than anything that the internet commentariate can provide her. This is control issues and fear and jealousy and toxic masculinity, not a thing that needs compromising on or a relationship issue. That said, in order to see them, we either have to travel to see them or they have to travel to see us. Its like Captain Awkward says no matter why youre standing on my foot, you need to stop standing on my foot. Maybe so, but I know plenty of people who, as JenB says above, have anxiety and dont express it in toxic and gendered ways that were really talking about two problems. And its going to be a problem in your relationship whether you go on the trip or not. I also suggest that he seeks out personal therapy. Well there it is. Hes disabled, finds it extremely difficult to cook for himself, and suffers from anxiety, and he doesnt like me going on business trips. Just last night I got home around sunset to find my wifes car in the driveway, the garage door open, all the lights off, and the house still and quiet. Im in business, so of course I know that a lot of conferences and normal things to do there, but its a little disingenuous to claim that a location that intentionally markets itself as Sin City doesnt at least have a rep for vice. Therapy, now, for both of you so that you can discuss this issue, and potentially solo therapy for him to address his issues. Its possible, though, that he really is controlling. Well, it depends. I say this because I have a hard time believing that someone who had actually been to Vegas would hold these opinions about it honestly its not my favorite place because I find it too crazy and overstimulating, but I have never felt I was in any kind of danger. And not for couples counselling, either she needs to work on strategies to deal with him. That actually happened to my parents! My comment is intended to apply to any combination of genders.). Even emphasizing the point, like even they said theyd let their spouses go to Las Vegas. My only regret about that trip was that it was so last-minute I couldnt get a ticket for my boyfriend, who has never been to Vegas and would have also enjoyed wandering through the hotels and playing a few slots for the free drinks. Life is short. Ive done that before too, and it was invaluable in setting healthy boundaries in a sane, functional manner. I thought it was supposed to be would NEVER let their significant others go. Its the kind of autocorrect my phone makes; even/never. Mothers anxious overprotectiveness would have destroyed me (and my relationship with her) if Id let it limit my life the way she wanted to (in the moment, when she was anxious). Group Leaders communicate with staff moderators and escalate potential violations for review, but they dont moderate discussions. Has it been made perfectly clear that this trip isnt a mini-vacay/reward on the companys dime, but is -in fact- a work trip where you will be doing work? But I believe that talking it out in clear terms is step one, at least. I agree with this- even if she were able to somehow get out of the trip without professional repercussions, Im quite sure he would find something else to stress about and restrict her from owing to these kinds of irrational fears. And opportunities to cheat and people who will spike a strangers drink exist in every city. Nope. You obviously know this, and you know that your husband is being unreasonable, but your framing Do I do this to save my marriage? worries me, because it signals that you are in some sense accustomed to, or willing to seriously consider, accommodating your husbands irrational demands instead of advocating for your own needs. He is obviously in distress, and rational or not, that is a bigger problem than just whether OP should go on her business trip. These dudes tend to not understand how little theyre contributing in any significant fashion, and theyre shockedshocked!when the women theyre with realize whats going on and leave them. Other National Geographic Family Journeys from G Adventures include bucket-list family vacation destinations like Iceland, Japan, South Africa, Peru, Costa Rica, Morocco, and Vietnam. Security at casinos is greater than that at Fort Knox. I dont think people are misreading; I think that the phrasing is confusing but that context indicates its meaning. I only want to know if hes going to be out so that Im not expecting him and can therefore do something else. I understand your point, but I think that it is in the LWs best interest to suggest counseling first since she says her husband is otherwise reasonable and kind. I agree hes not acting reasonably; but answers like therapy are a long-term solutions to an immediate problem. Another is that hes questioning the companys motives. Also conferences in Vegas are soul-crushingly awful and boring. Im going on a business trip to Vegas in a few weeks and Im grateful the conference is there rather then other difficult travel to destinations. Usually these things build up over time and abusive relationships (even if not intentionally abusive even if the partner really does have anxiety or whatever and is not TRYING to be controlling!) She Won't Tell Her Husband the Gender of Their Baby Because He Refused I think its time to tell him something like: I need you to respect my ability to make my own decisions. They can also get into trouble in their own hometown. Im going to second the suggestion of marriage counseling, but I think your husband sounds controlling and unreasonable. A relationship problem is not necessarily a problem where both people in the relationship are doing something wrong, but a problem that affects the relationship. Lastly, if you know your husband likes to stay home, bring the party to your house. or even where to eat dinner. Being disabled doesnt give you carte-blanche permission to be a jerk.. I know many wonderful non-abusive people who would raise a hairy eyeball over this. Right now hes in Alaska shooting a documentary. There are some cultures where marriage is really about the blending of two families. In fact, couples counseling can be a useful path to helping a partner address individual issues that are affecting the partnership. Sorry, Im a nope here. Either hes being very careful who he asks so that hes only asking people who would agree with him, or hes converting noncommittal answers (e.g., Yeah, I can see that youre upset) into See? Im just going to share my experience if it doesnt fit, let it roll off your back. Actually if you go off the Strip theres quite a few things to see and do around Vegas (also non-gambler here), desert hikes, assorted museums (notably neon art & the mob), and my personal favorite the Pinball Hall of Fame which has 100+ playable pinball machines (old and new). simple path graph example; tahoe blue vodka costco; emt patient assessment cheat sheet pdf Alternar men. But it could be so many other things as well. Theres no life insurance policy in the world that would substitute for my husbands continued presence in my life and on this planet. We stay at mid-level resorts and usually pay about $40 a night. I really dont like the taste of alcohol. Either hes lying, or hes manipulating these conversations so he hears only what he wants, or you guys need saner friends. Not sure which update youre looking atshe says she meant wouldnt in that sentence, which means exactly what Coffee Lover is saying. The same counselors that would demand that the woman submit would also tell the husband to man up and provide for his wife. I played Princess Bride slots for 45 minutes. OP, no idea if my experience is relevant to you or not, but the relationships in which the possibility of me cheating (never in a million years) was raised were the ones in which HE was cheating. Not necessarily. is a really good sign! This is a great space to write long text about your company and your services. Its just as likely that hes just jealous and controlling, like every other sap who clamps down on his partners autonomy. If you miss out on a promotion or are the first let go in the layoffs because you refused to go to this conference, you will look back on this with regret. I dont want men to dismiss womens fears, but I have personally had more experience with the opposite men deciding to tell me why I cant/shouldnt do something adventurous. Iasked ifI could come. *thumbs up, fistbump, etc*, This comment got away from me a bit, Im sorry for that. This educational content is not medical or diagnostic advice. I can tell you thisd be a divorce-level issue if I did it with my wife. Not a geographic nexus of evil thats so perfect. We are both off work for the summer so we can easily split up the car ride and stop and get a hotel for. If OP and her husband are from perhaps a small conservative town and the husband has never been, theres a slim chance that hes reacting to this reputation. If his problem is that his marriage doesnt look the way a marriage is supposed to look (and lets get real here we absolutely do NOT have enough information to be as sure as you are) then a good marriage counselor can help him to readjust his notions. If its a crippling anxiety issue, a solo visit to a therapist and their GP for anxiety meds might be more effective. Thanks for your thoughtful self-awareness. Sometimes together (we work for the same agency), but mostly separate. I read books. It took getting out (and lots of tears, letting some of the love-roots pull out from my heart with time and distance, and lots of therapy) to realize that he really was some of those things and others he wasnt, but it was irrelevant because he was still hurting me. Note however, I dont think this excuses the employees OR means that its wrong to have a corporate event in Vegas. A person who wants to cheat will cheat even if the business trip is in Dayton, OH, or they will cheat even in their hometown. 27 Family Vacation Ideas for a Trip They'll Never Forget Rooms were kinda cheap, and Im sure the convention center was cheap. On work travel, it looks like meeting rooms and the booth in the exhibit hall. Either theyll know already that it doesnt work that way, or worse, theyll try it and end up handing more ammunition to the husband. Whats not real is all these horrible things Im imagining happening to her. Exactly. Some people may have only a negative perception of Vegas, but the important thing is realizing that kneejerk perception is actually inaccurate. Exactly. even though this event is in Las Vegas, XCorp still expects its employees to hold themselves to our high standard of professionalism, My team goes to DC every year for a conference and I always tell them something like, The conference schedule is packed and unfortunately were not going to have any time for sightseeing or tourism. Okay. You are not alone with this. They just find more things to get worried about. Life is too short to be stifled by someone elses insecurities. My almost 60 year old mother goes to a medical conference in Las Vegas every year. this makes me IRATE. For heavent sake dont say it to him; dont want to give him any ideas. HE is the one who needs counseling; going together would send the message that its an us issue. They may not all work for you, but I hope that at least some will be helpful. But, sometimes there are letters that just make me want to scream. Youve gone before and nothing happened, so why is he still freaking out about it? I really dont recommend this course of action. I suspect this has less to to with irrational fears of the big, bad world, and more to do with an outdated, sexist view of the man being in charge of his woman. Los Vegas is known more for shows and EDM festivals than anything else these days. A Crappy Vacation Told Me My Marriage Was Really Over - Scary Mommy I know its easier to say Leave him! to someone else than it is to actually leave your spouse but please know that leaving him over this would not be an overreaction. Ack. (Is he really afraid you will be kidnapped or is he being hyperbolic to try to convince you to stay?). Is something going on in your relationship that he feels like youre growing more emotionally apart, and physical distance will make him feel more alone? He also accused her of sleeping with her boss constantly. Yep, this was one of my thoughts this might be a seriously overactive anxiety problem at work. But other things may be reasonable eg nightly call ins and letting husband know that she is not going to call or answer his calls during the day. Him: Something something shes just got cold feet about the upcoming wedding. I think the fact that hes willing to go counseling (am I reading that correctly?) Yeah man, sure, that uh really sucks? In most normal partnerships where you have shared responsibilities its not so much asking permission, as its checking in to make sure spouse doesnt need you For anything at that time.